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UPROC Goes to Portland    By  JSG

Who says POR folks can't have fun? Probably nobody because If you go to Portland it's inevitable. So how about travel to a place and have an idea of what land and the local culture is like before you get there. Then when you get there its nothing like what you thought it was going to be. Well that's just about every place you go. So leave the block and go somewhere, and when you do leave, think about Portland.

Party Wheel of Fortune that was way out of handFirst thing that happened when we got there was a coldie run to a slammin party with cake, watermelon, and some wild and nasty hot tub antics. They had a wheel of fourtue of antic standards and everyone had to take a spin. Hows that for akward. I just got there and I rolled a full moon. Guess what that ment?

Next thing you know Al P and myself, along with some party company, went to some restaurant under a bridge in downtown Portland where everybody is eating oysters and some really good basil pesto Mac-n-cheese. Well the food was good, we were about six feet under the table, and surprise… what do you know. They give us our to-go box which was actually a tinfoil sculpture in the shape of the male reproductive organs. We got the hint and left an appropriate tip.

Well on the way out we discovered that we were only 4 blocks away from the one and only Burnside. Of course we had to go. Even though it was dark and 4 a.m., I got a few legendary carves around the big bowl on a plastic five gallon bucket with the one and only Germ (the inventor of the bucket ride). To tell you the truth it was a lot of fun sliding down the roll-in and carving the bowl in a bucket. Supposedly no one else has ever gone the bucket ride according to many locals so I ride the path of few. Woo hoo!

Some how we end up on MLK in a condo, and went looking for a breakfast spot called Juniors or something like that. When we got there it was a small wait, but it was organic and vegan to carnivore depending on your flavor. It was reminiscent of the Fuel Café minus the smoke. It was great; go there if you have $8 buck on the road in P-Town.

Vance Going bigAfter that we got picked up in the rental van by Joe Hammeke Thrasher Magazines number one photographer (Joe Rips!), a local skater named Vance and also the notorious Jose form Spain. We were off to a gritty part of town they called the industrial skate park. It was industrial all right; Al P. got soiled after one stack and roll, completely blackened from steel dust or coal or something. My Turf skate park shirt suffered the same fate about five seconds after Al got dusted. While we got a few wall rides, Jose was grinding this waist high, really ghetto and hard to get to gas pipe, and Vance was Tre Flip Foot Planting it. We then moved on to the industrial gap. Vance was the only one brave enough to battle the rocky parking lot for a flight of freedom. It was the whole street sign high (Close to the same size as the First Wisconsin ledge gap on to Michigan over the stop light except a chud run way)! After two tries, he made the third on broken board roll away. A solid make.

Cut up full pipes in the  middle of a fieldWe then proceeded to the downtown area on a stealth mission around a rusty fence many feet below the highway bridge, through a gritty battlefield of trash in the middle of nowhere next to the river. But Oh wait... hidden in the tall weeds and blackberry bushes, were some graffitied up, cut in half, full pipes that made half pipes with no flat! A 10 in difficulty going back and forth, but the long ways was untouchable fun. A slash grind would rip a truck off and a small graze ripped a chunk out of my hand. We managed to have the most fun of all time just trying to skate this man made object meant for a different purpose. With a vert side and an up to vert side we done good for the photo shoot. We spent about 45 min there and moved on because the mission was slightly sketchy with security next door, our park job, and the fences and all.

We then got the exclusive invite to Tobin’s house where a child’s grand birthday party was going down and the adults were having fun too. A 10 foot bowl in the backyard and Oh… it was nice. This thing was perfect in every way except it was technicians only territory. Locals and some guests from Australia and Colorado were there also and ripping it to shreds. When faced with such perfect cement and nice curves one could only want to rip ones self. Portland’s Rhino has laid down the ground work on how to take stack and bring it on back. Props to Rhino, a Dreamland Skatepark Builder, who just turned 38, has two kids and still rips! Al Partanen of course destroyed the place. This was probably the best BBQ since the last PUPIL jam with the contest, kickball game, and raffle. Kids were playing with the hose, food was everywhere, beer was plentiful and from Milwaukee, and there was an air bounce in the front yard for antics of all. The session was fat.

Of course another P-Town Dreamland builder and shredder, the one and only Rollins, ripped it and later took us to some local PHO. This is some good Vietnamese noodle soup in a bowl the size of Lake Michigan if you didn’t know. We then proceeded to a bar referred to as the Sandy Hut. Great place, drinks were tall. Call it a night.

Justin's drained backyard poolNext day we hyped up on the NorthWest Video, and the Fruit of the Vine Video, Beers Bowls and Barney’s and got Thai for lunch. We got the Go on a private, drained, no one skates it backyard. With guard dogs the size of a Ford Expedition on campus, we needed the owner to help us secure the area. The coping was like brand new! First runs were kind of funky, but Partanen and Rollins led the way in rip city. Al P does a back side Smith over the light and death box? That was insanity. You'll probably see that one when the photo drops in Thrasher MAG. Don’t think we didn’t skate. Jose got 5-0s and 50-50s in the deep. Rollins was front side grind for days. Hammeke with the Back Side Boneless on the loveseat. The Skillet with the front side smith into deep over the love seat. Limo was throwin in Handplants. Damn It was a rip sesh!

Don’t let Sandy’s get you again? Once again hats off and it was a party all night long. We even got to rule a little shuffle board in the chaos. With a Ryan Wilburn and Dog Boy spotting along with many others, we just closed the place. Well 6 AM came fast and we came a knockin at Hammies for a place to nap. We woke up around 11am and headed out for it was the end of the week long weekend. I got to take a flight from Portland to Seattle and it was really a breathtaking view. The Northwest is definitely one of the most beautiful places to visit. Five close mountain tops, the Cascade Range, Olympic Range, wildlife, waterfalls, bridge jumps, skate spots, dives, ocean, crew, and unbelievable experiences to go home with. Get your tickets while it's dry.

Though we didn’t get to all the great world class skate parks worthy of a trip themselves, we got to go to some spots not meant for skating. It was exclusive and that’s big pimpin.


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